Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
