He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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