So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
