New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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