Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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