I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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