Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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