Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
