I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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