Swine flu. Run for my life!
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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