she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
