i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize