Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
