Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
