I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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