You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
