He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am puke
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize