I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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