HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
