so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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