so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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