He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
