it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
