I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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