You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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