News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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