a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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