Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Hippo gnu deer
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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