So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
