My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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