Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
