I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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