It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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