If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
zippers are such a cool invention
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
