No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
