we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
