Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
