Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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