Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
