stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
