I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
