Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
