the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
