Can i not drive my cunt home
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize