glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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