The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
