It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
