Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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