I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
