you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
