I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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