Got a toothbrush?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
