Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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