he wants to bone in the snuggie
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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