I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize