is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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