You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
