I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So squirting runs in the family.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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