Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
