Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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