Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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