I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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