Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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