I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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