I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
