go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
