how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I need a burrito and a hug.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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