My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize