this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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