remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
