Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
